


sunrise, sunburn, sunset

by inlovewithnight



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M, Other: See Story Notes, Summer Love, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 06:26:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16080341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithnight/pseuds/inlovewithnight
Summary: Jamie has a summer job painting a lakehouse with Jordie. He didn't expect it to come complete with a cute guy.





	sunrise, sunburn, sunset

**Author's Note:**

> I handwaved all canonical age differences for this. Everyone is nonspecific older teenager. 
> 
> This is pretty much songfic from Luke Bryan's song of the same title, which was on the radio nonstop this summer and made me think of teenage Jamie/Tyler every time. I meant to get it posted while it was still summer, but that didn't quite work out. A little extra piece of summer for autumn this year.

Mr. Courtnall hadn’t told them much—just that some guy from Toronto had bought the house next to his at the lake, and that he was looking for a couple of trustworthy guys to paint it for $500 apiece. They could stay at the house while they worked, because he would be in Victoria at his office. That was it, the whole deal. Of course Jamie and Jordie said yes. $500 apiece? Just for painting? And they got to spend a couple weeks at the lake? No-brainer.

Justin wouldn’t help them with the painting; he was lifeguarding at the stretch of lakeside beach reserved for kids, and he had to stay at the Courtnall house with his parents. But that was right next door, and they hung out in the evenings. It was perfect. 

Jordie drove them to the office in Victoria to pick up the keys. Mr. Seguin seemed like a nice guy; he shook their hands and said Mr. Courtnall had told him nothing but good things, and that he’d spoke to their parents, too, and had no worries at all about them staying at the house. Jordie puffed up a little with pride and assured him he wouldn’t be disappointed. Jamie stared at the keys in Mr. Seguin’s hand and thought about the cases of beer tucked away in the back of the truck.

“The paint is in the garage,” Mr. Seguin said, “and all the supplies you’ll need. There’s a credit card in the drawer under the microwave if you need to buy more supplies, or go to the grocery store. Just don’t abuse the privilege, eh?” He winked when he said it, and Jamie wasn’t totally sure if that meant they should go ahead and get ice cream and pizza or… not. It was hard to tell with adults.

“Our parents gave us money for food,” Jordie said. “Letting us stay there is really nice of you. We appreciate it.”

“Oh, no problem! No problem at all.” Mr. Seguin smiled. “You know, I have a son about your age. A little younger, I guess. He’s coming out from Toronto in a few daysto spend the summer.”

Jamie was staring out the window at the truck again. If they didn’t get going, the beer might get too warm in its cans and swell and explode. What a waste. Mr. Seguin was still talking, but Jamie didn’t care, he just wanted to get on the road and get to the lake and organize the paint cans for tomorrow, so they could strip down and jump in the water for an hour or two tonight. 

Jordie jabbed him with an elbow and Jamie jerked back to attention. “Thanks again, sir,” Jordie said. “You won’t be disappointed.”

“Have fun!” Mr. Seguin said, already headed back to his desk. Jordie hustled Jamie out the door and into the hallway.

“Were you even listening?” he muttered in Jamie’s ear. “You were staring off into space like a zombie.”

“I knew you were listening!” Jamie squirmed away from him. 

“I’ve always gotta do all the work.” Jordie didn’t really sound upset, though, so Jamie didn’t worry. Just the usual big brother being a martyr stuff.

“I’ll do extra work when we’re actually painting,” he said. “I’ll go up on the ladders and stuff.”

“Yeah right! You’ll fall and break your damn neck. No way.”

“I will not!”

“You don’t even like heights!”

“Neither do you!”

Jordie had to concentrate on driving or they would’ve argued about it all the way to the lake. Whatever, Jamie knew he could do the ladder stuff if he needed to. They were going to make the house look good so Mr. Seguin gave them a bonus, and they were going to have a blast doing it. This was going to be the best summer ever.

**

The first afternoon was just as perfect as Jamie hoped. They got to the house, put their bags in one of the guest rooms, and went down to the garage to look over the supplies. Mr. Seguin was as good as his word; everything they needed was there, with plenty of dropcloths and tape and rolling pans. 

Jordie sorted the paint out by the color for the main siding and the shutters, and Jamie unwrapped a few dropcloths and rollers for the next day. Once everything was prepped, they closed the garage up behind them and ran down the dock to the lake, whipping their shirts and shorts off as they went and jumping into the water in their boxers. The water was cold and clear, knocking Jamie’s breath away as he went under, and he broke the surface again gasping, shaking his head and sending droplets flying away to break the sunlight into dazzling pieces.

They stayed on the dock for an hour or so, alternating between sunning and jumping in, and then Justin walked over from the Courtnall house with a six-pack of beer.

“Is the house cool?” he asked, joining them at the end of the dock. “Which room are you guys in? If it’s the one on the west side of the house you should be able to see my window. We can signal back and forth to each other. Hold up signs or something.”

“What would we need to say that we couldn’t just text?” Jordie asked. “‘Bring more beer’?”

“You never want to have any fun, Darth.” Justin sighed and shook his head, cracking open a can. “It’s sad, really. You’re old before your time.”

Jordie nodded thoughtfully and took the can out of Justin’s hand, passing it over to Jamie, before picking Justin bodily up off the dock and throwing him into the lake. Justin came up sputtering and shouting, and a few minutes later all three of them were in the water.

If everything had just stayed like that, it already would have been a perfect summer as far as Jamie was concerned. His brother and their shared best friend, sun and water and freedom and beer. That was already everything he’d hoped for.

But the next day, when he and Jordie had been working for a good couple of hours, and he was up on the ladder putting down a coat of primer, a little black convertible pulled up next to the house, and Jamie’s whole summer changed.

The driver’s door opened and spit out a skinny kid in a Leafs tank top and a tiny pair of running shorts. He kicked his flip-flops into the bushes by the driveway, not even bothering to look up at Jordie and Jamie, then ran down the dock and pulled off a perfect imitation of their first dives into the lake the day before, except still fully dressed.

“Who the hell is that?” Jordie asked, wiping his forehead with his arm. “Should we go tell him to fuck off?”

Jamie couldn’t answer. He was just staring as the kid climbed back up on the dock and peeled his tank top off over his head. The revealed skin was pale and stretched tight over some pretty decent muscles for his size, and now his little shorts were soaked and clinging in a way that showed off some equally-decent thighs.

“Jamie,” Jordie said louder. “Jamie! Go tell him to get out of here.”

Jamie couldn’t do that, even if he made it down the ladder. He just stood there, staring, and then things got _worse_ , because the kid finally noticed them and walked back up the dock toward the house.

“Hi!” he called when he drew close again. “You must be the guys my dad hired to paint? I mean. Since you’re painting and everything.”

“Your dad?” Jordie said blankly.

“Yeah.” The kid dragged his hand through his wet curls, grinning broadly. “I’m Tyler.”

Jordie shifted his paintbrush to his other hand and offered to shake. “Jordie. This is Jamie. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. So you guys are from around here?”

“Victoria.” Jordie scratched his forehead and squinted up at the house. “Are you gonna help us paint?”

“I don’t think so? I mean, Dad didn’t tell me to. And I know he’s paying you, so I don’t want to rip you off or whatever. I’m just here to hang out, I think. So Dad doesn’t have to entertain me in Victoria.”

“Not a bad place to hang out.” Jordie gave Jamie a look, but Jamie couldn’t think of a word to say. This kid was, like—shiny. Not literally but… he had _charisma_ , and Jamie couldn’t look directly at him, or think, and he definitely couldn’t talk.

Tyler shrugged. “I mean, I can only tan and go swimming so much, right? I gotta work out, too, stay in shape for hockey, but like… there’s not a lot to do here. I wish he’d just let me stay home, honestly.”

“Where’s home?” Jordie dropped the paintbrush onto the dropcloth and sat down on the grass, clearly glad for the chance at a break. 

“Brampton. Ontario.” Tyler wrinkled his nose at Jordie’s blank look. “It’s by Toronto. All my friends are there, my coach is there, my rink… it’s stupid to be out here in the middle of nowhere.”

Jordie laughed a little. “It’s not that bad. I promise. Right, Jay?”

Dammit. Jamie felt his throat tighten and his eyes get wide when Tyler turned to look at him. “Uh. Right.”

“We’ve got a friend who lives in the next house that way,” Jordie went on waving his hand toward the Courtnalls’. “He’s staying out here too and we’re gonna hang out when we’re done working every day. We’ve got beer and stuff. You can hang out with us sometimes, if you want.”

Tyler’s face lit up, with a wide bright smile that seemed to have more teeth than his face could hold. “For real? That’s so awesome, thanks, dude!”

“No problem.” Jordie looked at Jamie again, eyebrows raised expectantly. “ _Right_ , Jay?”

“Uh.” Jamie stared down at the grass. “Okay with me if it’s okay with Courts.”

“Courts won’t mind.” Jordie nodded like it was all settled. “We’d better get back to work. I think we’ll call it quits around five today, so come find us then, okay? We’ll figure out dinner and grab some beer and I think Courts was going to show us an old float we can row out to and hang out on tonight. He said it’s awesome.”

“Okay!” Tyler grinned, stretching his arms up and then clasping his hands on top of his head. It made his torso do stuff. 

Jamie held on to the ladder as tight as he could. This had not been part of his summer plans at all. 

**

He begged Jordie, literally begged on his knees, to get him out of this. Jordie was zero help.

“Get up. Stop being weird.” Jordie shook his head at him and dug a clean t-shirt out of his duffel bag. “What’s your problem with him? He seemed nice. He plays hockey. We can talk about that. You’re not having some kind of weird inferiority complex about him being from Toronto, are you?”

“He’s _not_ from Toronto.” Jamie slumped down on the floor. “He’s from Brampton. And Toronto isn’t that great anyway.”

“Whatever. You’d love to go to Toronto.”

“Vancouver is just as good.” Jordie rolled his eyes at him and Jamie had to subside, chewing at his lower lip for a minute. “I don’t have a _problem_ with him,” he said finally.

“Then why don’t you want to hang out with him?”

“We just don’t know him at all! What if he makes it weird? What if Courts doesn’t like him and it messes up our whole plan for the summer? What if everything’s ruined?”

“God, Jamie, why do you always fixate on the worst possible scenario?” Jordie put his hand on top of Jamie’s head and rumpled his hair up thoroughly, then went over to the mirror hanging on the wall by the closet and started fussing with his own hair. “It’s not gonna be like that. Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll have some beer, we’ll go out to the float, it’ll be fun. Everybody will get along. You’ll see.”

Jamie glared at his back. “Well now I can’t go because you messed up my hair.”

“There’s no help for your hair, Jay. Not now, not ever.” Jordie looked at him in the mirror and raised his eyebrows. “Seriously, though. You gonna come? If you really don’t want to, I’ll tell them you have a headache from being out in the sun all day. But I think you should come. It’ll be fun.”

Jamie took a deep breath and held it for a beat, then blew it out through his nose. “I’ll come.”

“Good.” Jordie stepped back from the mirror and checked himself out, doing the whole slow look from feet upward, and something clicked in Jamie’s head. That was _weird_.

“Is Justin bringing girls tonight?” he asked, getting to his feet and grabbing his own duffel bag. Clean t-shirts. They must be in there somewhere. 

“Huh? No, not that I know of. Just the four of us.”

“Then why are you acting all weird about your hair and stuff? Nobody to impress if it’s just the four of us.” Unless Jordie had noticed how shiny Tyler was, too. The thought made Jamie’s stomach twist up a little.

Jordie turned away from the mirror and rushed up behind him, tackling him down onto the bed. “Some of us just like to look good, Jay-jay, instead of being greasy and gross all the time.” 

Three noogies and a spitball on the back of the neck later, Jamie managed to throw him off and turn around to square up for a real fight. Jordie’s phone went off before anything else could happen, though.

“Sweet. Courts is ready to meet us.” Jordie tapped in a quick reply and shoved his phone in his pocket. “I’ll grab the beer, you get Tyler.”

“Why can’t I get the beer?”

“Don’t be weird, Jamie!” Jordie ran off down the stairs, clattering loudly on his way to the kitchen, and Jamie was out of options. He followed suit slowly, his stomach clenched up as he made his way back to the hall that led to Tyler’s room.

The door was open, letting him see Tyler sprawled out on the bed, chin in his hands, watching something on a laptop. Jamie cleared his throat awkwardly, hanging back in the hall so it didn’t seem like he was staring or anything. But maybe that made him look creepy, lurking in the shadows. Fuck. There was no winning here.

Tyler looked up, eyes wide. “Oh! Hey, Jamie.”

“Hey.” Jamie shuffled closer to the doorway. Better not to be lurking, probably. “Uh, Courts is ready for us to come meet him. If you still want to. Jordie’s getting the beer.”

“I definitely still want to, if you still want me to come?” Tyler cocked his head to the side a little, studying Jamie carefully. “You kinda look like maybe you don’t.”

“No! It’s fine, totally. You should come. We’ll all hang out and have fun and stuff.” He nodded stiffly, shoving his hands in his pockets, trying to look cool. Calm. Something. Not panicked.

Tyler laughed a little. “Yeah, you… really don’t look like you think you’ll have fun.”

Fuck. “I’m not great with new people?”

“So you don’t want me to come.”

“No! Just. I just met you today. I’ll get _better_ when I know you longer. Really.”

Tyler looked doubtful now, still staring. “You’re sure? If I come with you, it’ll help you, like, stop freaking out?”

“I think so. Probably.” Jamie nodded again. “Maybe.”

“Wow.” Tyler finally broke eye contact, ducking his head to look down at his laptop again. “Well, okay. Sure. Are Jordie and Justin bad at new people, too?”

Why didn’t the embarrassment and shame _ever_ go away? “No. They’re great at new people. Jordie really wants to hang out with you, and Courts is awesome. You’ll like them.”

“But will they like _me_?” Tyler made a face and slammed his laptop shut, climbing off the bed.

“I bet they will,” Jamie said honestly. “You seem really… really great.”

Tyler snorted and shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do! I bet I’ll like you once I get to know you! For real!”

That made Tyler’s face relax and his mouth spread into a smile again, and oh, god, he was still so shiny. Jamie could feel it in every part of his insides, looking at him. He had to look away or he might explode.

“C’mon,” he said, turning back to the hallway to keep from giving himself away. “Jordie’s waiting for us.”

**

Jordie brought beer, but Justin brought liquor. They carried the cans and the bottle on top of their heads and tucked under their arms while they swam out to the float and then stretched out on the sun- warmed boards, talking bullshit and cracking open their first beers.

“Should drink the whiskey first,” Justin said.

“No.” Jordie shook his head and nudged Justin in the ribs. “You drink the beer first, as a warm-up. Get your system used to it.”

“I don’t think that’s right, Darth.” Justin giggled as Jordie nudged him again, rolling across the float to get away. “Okay, okay! Pass me one of those shitty Molsons.”

“You’ll drink it and you’ll like it,” Jordie said firmly, putting a can in his hand. “Bottoms up, kids. And Tyler, don’t tell your dad about this.”

“Duh.” Tyler rolled his eyes and took a long drink, groaning a little. “God, this is _so_ bad.”

“You’re weak!” Jordie flopped down on his back, his head pillowed on Justin’s shin. “But you’re young, so I guess that’s okay.”

Tyler made a face at him. “I’m not _that_ young.” 

Jamie recognized the fierceness in Tyler’s voice—hadn’t he sounded the same way, running after Jordie and his friends, demanding to be included? Right up until he hit his growth spurt and his strength came in and they all realized he could keep up with them in hockey and baseball just fine. He still remembered, though.

“So tell us a little about yourself,” Justin said, imitating a local news guy doing a stupid postgame interview. They all laughed, recognizing it, and Jamie moved a little closer to Tyler, curious about what he was going to say.

His sisters, his hometown, his school—all that was fine, even kinda interesting, but he finally got to what they wanted him to talk about, his _hockey_ , and Jamie gulped his beer down faster than he meant to, listening to him. Tyler played it cool, but even with just the little hints he said, they could all tell that he was _good_. He was playing on significant teams and in real tournaments, and in Toronto, where stuff was _legit_.

Jamie wanted his skates and a rink real bad. The lake was great, but if he could get Tyler out on some ice and see what he could bring out there… that would be awesome.

“Do you have sticks at the house?” Jordie asked Justin, poking him in the thigh. “Enough we could do some ball hockey?”

“Do we have sticks.” Justin snorted and rumpled Jordie’s hair. “Dad and Uncle Russ can’t live in a house if there aren’t sticks, dummy.”

Tyler tilted his head like a puppy, his eyes going wide. “Oh shit. No way? You’re one of _those_ Courtnalls?”

“Whoops.” Justin laughed and sat up, reaching for the whiskey bottle. “I figured Jordie was bragging on me to you already.”

“No! He didn’t say!” Tyler gawked at him, and Jamie had to look away, not because he was embarrassed for the kid but because he felt—weird, just weird. He didn’t have the words for it.

“Yeah.” Justin took a drink and shuddered, then grinned at Tyler. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “My dad’s Geoff, my uncle’s Russ. The NHL Courtnalls. It’s not a thing, really. They’re just my dad and my uncle and they’re boring and old now.”

“It’s a thing,” Jordie said, rolling on his side to face Tyler. “And they’re cool. But the point is, they’ve got sticks here at their house. And a net in the garage, right, Courts?”

“Yeah, yeah, there’s a net.”

“So tomorrow,” Jordie said triumphantly, taking the bottle from Justin’s hand, “we can play ball hockey in the street as late as we want.”

“Maybe not as late as we want. Not if it means we’re keeping my mom up.” Justin took the bottle back again. “And we’ve gotta be sober, if Dad catches us drinking he’ll kick my ass.”

“Promise.” Jordie saluted at him and rolled onto his back again. Jamie did the same, staring up at the slowly-dimming sky. He heard Justin pass the bottle to Tyler, and Tyler’s little giggly breaths as the burn of his first sip hit him. Weird, weird. Why did he feel like this?

“Here, Jamie.” Tyler nudged him with the bottle. “Your turn.”

Jamie sat up automatically and took two quick swallows. He knew the trick of not hesitating, not thinking about it, just let the whiskey go down. He had been drinking with the older guys under Jordie’s watchful eye long enough to know _all_ of the tricks and rules, how all of it worked.

Maybe that’s why he felt weird; he was the older kid for once. Maybe Tyler didn’t know all of that stuff. Maybe he needed Jamie to look out for him.

**

The next morning came with regrets when the alarm went off and Jamie had to drag himself outside to paint with the morning sun in his eyes and a hangover.

Jordie was moving gingerly, too, so he didn’t waste his breath complaining. Jordie wouldn’t have any sympathy to spare. They just needed to work hard through the morning and grab a nap in the hottest part of the day, and then maybe life would be livable again.

Tyler shuffled outside when they had been working for what felt like forever but was probably only two hours or so. “You guys want coffee or water or something?”

“Water,” Jordie said, his voice rusty and caught in his throat. Tyler gave him a startled look, and Jordie cleared his throat apologetically. “We had coffee when we got up.”

“Oh, I guess that was why the pot was half-full or whatever.” Tyler hitched his t-shirt up to scratch at his stomach, and Jamie fixed his gaze firmly on the side of the house. “Did you guys eat? I didn’t see any dirty plates.”

“No. God.” Jordie laughed a little. “How are you not hungover?”

“I drank a lot of water before bed! Don’t you guys know to do that?”

Jamie glared at his paintbrush and thought about the night before, stumbling back from the water way too late and drunk to think about anything other than falling directly into bed. Tyler must have some kind of super party stamina to keep it together enough to get water. He probably brushed his teeth, too.

“We messed up,” Jordie said. “Jamie, come down from there. Let’s just have lunch now. We’ve got enough time, we can take it easy today.”

“Okay.” Jamie made his way down the ladder slowly, careful not to look directly at the sun, or at Tyler, or anywhere but the next place he was putting his foot or hand. Things were too hard today.

Tyler led them back into the house, talking a mile a minute and bouncing eagerly while he walked. Jamie couldn’t even begin to process the words, just let them wash around him as he shuffled to the refrigerator and looked inside. 

“No, I’ll do it!” Tyler pushed the fridge closed again. “You and Jordie sit down, I’ll make you breakfast. More coffee, first, right? Fresh? Yeah, that’ll help you wake up a little. You’re both like zombies.”

“Paint fumes and hangovers probably aren’t the best combination.” Jordie flopped into one of the chairs and tilted his head back with a sigh. “Coffee would be perfect, Ty. Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Jamie mumbled, taking the chair opposite Jordie. “Thanks, um, Ty.”

“You can call me Segs, too, if you want.” Tyler dumped the coffee pot and started a new one going. “Segs, Seggy, Ty, my teammates call me all of those. My mom and my sisters mostly call me Ty, though, so that’s like… different. You know. Not really a _team_ nickname as much. Not a real hockey name.”

Jordie grinned. “The team calls Jamie Fat Benny.”

“Jordie!” Jamie kicked at him under the table. “Shut up.”

“What? They do.”

“That’s only because you took Benny first.”

“Not my fault I’m older.” 

Jamie sighed and rubbed his face with both hands, watching Tyler prep a fresh pot and then start gathering stuff from the refrigerator to make breakfast. “When’s your dad coming out to see the place, Tyler?”

“I’m not sure. I’m supposed to call him today. He wants me to come down to Victoria tomorrow, I think. Gonna take me out to lunch and stuff and I’ll stay at his apartment a night or two. I would rather be here with you guys, honestly. It’s so boring.”

“Vic isn’t boring,” Jordie said. “We’ll give you the names of some places to go.”

“Yeah? That would be great, thanks.” Tyler flashed them a quick smile, and Jamie’s stomach did a double flip. Crap. Tyler’s smile was still shiny enough to make him do that. This wasn’t just regular-level weird. He was _smitten_.

And Jordie was catching on. He caught Jordie watching him closely when Tyler brought the coffee over, and then the plates of food. Jamie tried not to stare at Tyler, or smile too much, or do anything stupid, but he couldn’t help it, and Jordie _saw_ , he knew he saw.

He managed to avoid talking about it while they were working that afternoon, but when they were putting the paint and ladders in the garage, Jordie had him cornered.

“You’ve kinda got a thing for Seggy, don’t you, Jay.”

“Shut up.” Jamie kept his eyes fixed on the paint cans. “I do not.”

“You totally do. You’re into him.”

“Jordie, shut up!”

“Hey, I’m not judging you! I’m not gonna make fun of you or anything!” Jordie rubbed his chin. “In fact, maybe I’ll take Justin off somewhere else tonight so you guys can have alone time together.”

“No!” Jamie dropped his paint brush into the bucket and whirled around to face him. “You can’t do that! Anyway, we’re gonna play road hockey tonight, we already said, all four of us have to be there to do that.”

Jordie raised his eyebrows. “Well, he’s going to Vic tomorrow and he’s going to be gone for a few days. You don’t want to spend time with him before he goes?”

“No.” Jamie shook his head fast. “It’s not like that. I can’t. No. Just… let’s just play hockey and be normal.”

“If that’s what you want.” Jordie shook his head and turned toward the door. “I’m gonna go shower.”

Jamie hesitated. “Wait.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell Justin, okay?”

Jordie frowned. “Why not?”

“I just… I don’t…” Jamie took a breath. “I’m not ready.”

Frown deepening, Jordie cocked his head and studied him. “Justin isn’t going to make fun of you either. He likes you, Jamie.”

“He might not like me once he knows.”

“He’s not like that!”

Jamie felt like he was floating, trapped in a bubble of frantic anxiety and wondering if they were even talking about the same thing. Maybe they weren’t? Neither of them had actually said it out loud, just talked vague circles around it, and maybe—maybe Jordie thought he meant something else.

“I like boys.” Jamie made himself say it, made the words crawl out of his mouth and fall flat in the air. 

Jordie stared at him. “I know, Jay. That’s what we’ve been talking about.”

“You’re not mad.” He wasn’t actually shaking, but he felt like he was. Shaking inside, maybe. Choking.

“Of course I’m not mad!” Jordie shook his head. “You’re my brother.”

It couldn’t be this easy. There was just no way. “And Justin won’t be mad?”

“Definitely not. You know him better than that.” Jordie grabbed him by the arm and roughly pulled him into a hug. Jamie couldn’t relax into it, but he leaned into the tension, he let Jordie hold him up. “If he was, I would kick his ass, Jay. But he won’t be. Justin’s cool, he’s good. Trust me.”

“I trust you,” Jamie mumbled. “I always trust you. Even when you’re a jerk.”

“I won’t be a jerk about this. I promise.” Jordie rested his chin on top of Jamie’s head. “You want alone time with Tyler tonight after all?”

“ _No_.” Jamie hid his face against Jordie’s shoulder, feeling it turn so bright red it hurt. “No, god, I _can’t_.”

“Okay, okay. Calm down.” Jordie hugged him again and let him go. “You need a shower too, by the way. You stink like crazy.”

Jamie sniffed and shrugged, willing himself not to wipe at his eyes and draw Jordie’s attention to the wetness there. “Gonna go roll around in your bed while you shower.”

“You better not! I will kick your ass for that!”

Jamie didn’t do it; he lay down on the floor of the guest room and took slow, gulping breaths. He had just moved his whole world on its axis, but nothing seemed to have changed. How could it work like that? It didn’t seem fair.

He tried not to think about it, just lie still and float there in his body. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe.

**

Tyler left while they were painting the next morning, barely waving before he peeled out of the driveway. Jamie felt weird about it, and dumb about feeling weird. Tyler had his own stuff going on. He was friendly with Jamie and Jordie, but they barely knew each other, like, for real. 

Their street hockey game had gone pretty well—Benns vs. the others at first, then switching to Jordie and Justin vs. Jamie and Tyler. They ended up tied every time, until it got too dark to see the ball and Mr. Courtnall came downstairs to tell them they were being too loud and needed to wrap things up. 

Jamie and Tyler had walked back to the house side by side, and Jamie’s stomach had felt all hot and tight and glowy inside him. He’d actually thought about reaching for Tyler’s hand, once or twice. Didn’t _do_ it, but he did let his knuckles brush against Tyler’s wrist, once, and Tyler had smiled at him, wide and goofy, before shuffling over so he wasn’t in Jamie’s personal space anymore.

“Don’t be mopey,” Jordie said when they came down for lunch. 

“I’m not.”

“You are too. He’ll be back either tomorrow or the next day, he said. You get to hang out with me and Courts. That was the plan for this anyway, remember? So you’re not losing out on anything.”

Jamie ducked his head and nodded, staring at the floor, and Jordie patted him awkwardly on the arm. “I know you’ve got a crush or whatever, Jay, but you don’t want to, like, obsess over him, right? He lives in Toronto. And he might not even like guys. Probably not, by the math, right? That’s how it works?”

“I don’t know the math.” Jamie made himself take a deep breath, then another, stretching out the tightness in his stomach. “But you’re right. He lives in Toronto. And I shouldn’t obsess. It’s fine. You and me and Courts will hang out, it’s fine.”

“There you go.” Jordie patted his arm again. “Tonight we’ll go into town and get ice cream, okay? And then we’ll go out to the float and get lit. Maybe we’ll meet some girls, eh?”

Jamie blinked slowly at him. “Why?”

Jordie frowned at him, then his eyes went wide. “Oh. You _only_ like boys? I thought… huh. Okay. Roll that back, then.”

“I don’t _understand_ girls!” 

“Okay! I don’t blame you. It’s fine! Justin and I will talk to the girls, you can have ice cream, and then we’ll go get drunk on the lake.”

“Well I don’t want to ruin your night! You guys should hook up with girls if you want to! I’ll stay here!”

Jordie sighed. “Jamie, please don’t freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out!” He didn’t mean to be. But it was like having a direction to aim his nervous energy made it blast everything like a fire hose. He couldn’t turn it off. “It’s fine! I’ll stay here! I’ll watch TV! I’ll read a book!”

“You don’t read books!”

“Shut up!” Jamie shook his head, clenching his fists at his sides. “You and Justin should have fun without me ruining everything!”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Jamie, come on.”

“I’m not being dramatic! I’m being honest!”

Jordie dragged his hands through his hair. “Do you seriously want to sit here, by yourself, instead of getting ice cream and hanging out? Seriously?”

“I don’t _want_ to. But I should.”

“God, you’re impossible.” Jordie looked up at the ceiling for a minute. “Come with us for the ice cream, and then you can come back here. Deal?”

It was probably a trap somehow, but Jamie couldn’t find the catch. And the ice cream place in town was really good. He’d been hoping they’d go there soon. “Yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense.”

“If you want to come with us after ice cream, you can. But no pressure. Do what you want.”

Jamie nodded a little. He still wasn’t hearing a trap, but he was hearing Jordie being kind of patronizing. He wasn’t going to change his mind; Jordie and Justin _did_ deserve a night to have fun without worrying about him. He was going to make sure they got it. 

Justin texted that he was having dinner in town with his parents, so he would meet them at the ice cream place. When they got there, he was already waiting in the parking lot, chatting with some girls wearing loose dresses over their bathing suits, the tangles of straps on their shoulders not quite hiding the lines of pale skin breaking up their tans. 

“Jordie! Jamie!” Justin waved at them when they got out of the car. “C’mere, I’ve been telling Julie and Sara and Tricia all about you!”

Jordie half-jogged to join them and Jamie trailed sullenly in his wake, hand clenched around the money in his pocket. He didn’t want to do this part, the chatting and flirting stuff. He just wanted to get his triple sundae. Apparently Jordie really hadn’t told Justin about the liking boys thing, because Justin had made sure to talk to _three_ girls, and Jamie was going to ruin one of their nights, too, by bailing out before they went to the lake. Because he was _not going_.

And sure enough. They all got their ice cream and at it at a picnic table under a tree at a park down the street. Jamie’s shins got chewed up by mosquitoes and he spilled ice cream on his t-shirt and he completely fumbled every attempt Tricia made at starting a conversation with him. Not even on purpose; he just didn’t want to talk and couldn’t make himself talk, and the longer they stayed, the worse he felt about being here. 

Jordie took pity on him eventually, nudging his knee under the table and pulling the car keys out of his pocket. He spun them around his index finger and raised his eyebrows at Justin. “What do you guys think about heading down to the lake?”

“Yes!” Julie said brightly, grabbing Sara’s hand. “We’ve been waiting for one of you to say that.”

“Awesome.” Jordie grinned and nodded, meeting Justin’s eyes with a way too showy wink. “I’ve gotta drop Jay back at the house, and then we’ll park at the east dock, eh?”

Justin frowned. “Why is Jay going back to the house? What’s up?”

Jamie’s stomach twisted, but Jordie covered for him all smooth and easy, because he was a good big brother most of the time. “He told me earlier he wasn’t really feeling up to anything big tonight. Just wants to take it easy. But nobody turns down ice cream, right, Jay?”

“Right.” Jamie blushed and stared down at the remains of his sundae, little melted dribbles of color in the bowl. “It was nice to meet you guys. Um. I hope you have fun on the lake. I just gotta crash.”

“Oh, okay.” Justin still looked confused, but he rolled with it, because he was pretty cool most of the time, too, and a good friend. “I hope you feel better, dude. My dad’s gonna do a big grilling thing tomorrow night and you can’t miss that.”

Jamie tried to smile. “I hope so too. Can’t miss your dad’s special steaks.”

“The special part is all the bourbon he puts in the marinade.” Justin laughed and stood up, offering his hands to Sara. “Well, let’s get going, then. Jamie not coming means more beers for everyone else, ladies…” 

**

Jamie let Jordie drop him off up at the corner instead of driving down to the house, and he walked the last quarter mile or so alone in the settling dusk. Even though this was what he’d wanted, he had started feeling a little lonely as soon as he closed the car door behind himself, and it got worse as he walked to the house, a tight feeling in his throat and chest and stomach that he couldn’t shake off.

Then he forgot about it, because Tyler’s car was in the driveway. 

He stared at the car for a long moment, tilting his head back and forth like a confused puppy or something. The car was definitely _there_ , he wasn’t dreaming, but none of the lights in the house were on, so where had Tyler gone? Had he just ditched the car and run off somewhere? Did he get back and go straight to bed? 

An impulse made him turn and look down the dock, or maybe an echo of the day Tyler arrived, when he had parked and then run straight down to look at the water. Sure enough, there he was, sitting at the far end with his feet dangling out over the lake.

Jamie made his way down to him slowly, making sure to step heavily on the boards of the dock so Tyler would feel him coming. “Hey,” he called from a few paces away. “Uh. Segs?”

Tyler lifted one hand in a vague wave, but didn’t turn around. Jamie frowned and took a step closer. “Are you okay? We weren’t expecting you back for a while, you know?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” His voice sounded cracked and tired—like he’d been crying. Jamie’s stomach sank. Oh no. What could’ve made Tyler come back early and cry?

“Did something happen?”

Tyler shook his head, clearing his throat roughly. “My dad and I argued, that’s all. It was stupid. But I got mad and drove back up here, and he sent me some pissed-off texts and said he was going to have Mom buy me a flight home, and I just—”

Jamie sat down on the edge of the dock at an angle to him, feet dangling off the side instead of the end. “That sucks, dude. I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t know what his problem is. I was just _talking_ , he didn’t have to get all mad about it.” Tyler shook his head and wiped his eyes, grimacing. “Anyway. Sorry. You guys were probably having fun without me.”

Jamie shrugged. “Justin and Jordie are out with some girls. I came back here to just chill out.”

“Really?” Tyler sniffled and frowned at him. “You don’t want to hang out with girls?”

Jamie shrugged, hoping the dim evening light would hide his blushing. “I guess not.”

“Huh.” Tyler frowned some more, turning his gaze back to the water. 

“But I guess it’s good, right? Because if I didn’t come back, you’d be all alone. And that would suck.”

That got a watery smile. “I guess it did suck, until you showed up. Just sitting here and being sad.”

Jamie smiled back at him. “Let’s go inside, huh? I don’t know about you but I’m getting chewed up by mosquitoes. We can make popcorn and watch a movie or something.”

“Yeah.” Tyler nodded and carefully got to his feet, sniffing a little. “That sounds pretty good.”

Jamie followed him up the dock, careful to keep his voice light and casual. “Do you need to call your mom or your dad and let them know you’re okay? It kinda sounded like you took off from Victoria in a hurry.”

“Oh…” Tyler dug his phone out of his pocket and looked at it, then winced; Jamie guessed that the number of missed messages must be pretty high. “Shit. Gonna get yelled at.”

“They won’t yell too much. They’ll be glad you’re safe.” At least, that was how his parents always were when he or Jordie or Jenny didn’t check in and then turned up again. Sometimes they even forgot to ground them. “I’ll make the popcorn while you do that, okay? And then we can just hang out.”

“All right.” Tyler took a deep breath and opened the door to the house, thumb already sliding over to one of the missed calls showing on the screen. “I’ll be in in a minute.”

Jamie eased past him and went to the kitchen, flipping on all the lights as he went. The house shouldn’t be dark and gloomy anymore, not while Tyler was upset and nervous. It needed to be cheerful and nice; bright and warm and smelling like something good.

He made three bags of popcorn, dumping them into a couple of big bowls he found in the cabinets and settling them on the coffee table in front of the TV. He had a beer and a soda for each of them, too, so Tyler could have whichever he was in the mood for. Jamie didn’t want to make assumptions, he just wanted to be nice so Tyler would smile again and not look quite so sad. 

He picked up the remote and scrolled through channels, trying not to strain to hear if Tyler was coming. He wasn’t even paying attention to what was on, just scrolling, until the back door banged closed again and he realized he was sitting on a documentary about penguins instead of a fun movie.

Tyler came into the room, sniffling again and wiping his nose on the back of his hand but looking calmer. “Hey. Sorry that took so long.”

“No problem.” Jamie pointed to the bowls. “Popcorn.”

“Thanks.” Tyler sat down and sighed, staring at the floor for a moment, then shook himself and reached for the can of soda. “I called my dad and then he said I had to call Mom myself because she wouldn’t calm down until she actually heard my voice.”

Jamie nodded. “My mom’s like that too.”

“They were both all…” Tyler waved his free hand vaguely. “But I’m only in a little bit of trouble, so that’s good.”

Jamie couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t stupid. “I’m sorry it’s hard.” 

It made Tyler smile, at least, so that was good. “Thanks. And thanks for making the popcorn and stuff. Wanting to hang out with me. You know.”

“I definitely want to hang out with you. It’s way better than sitting here by myself, you know?”

Tyler’s smile widened a bit, not quite to the big toothy grin he got when he was _really_ happy, but progress. “I didn’t think you liked me at all, at first. You wouldn’t even look at me.”

Jamie ducked his head, wishing he could hide the blush rising in his face. “I’m not great with new people.”

“That’s what you told me. Jordie told me not to worry about it, though, that if you really didn’t like me you’d be flat-out rude, not just avoiding me.” 

“What!” Jamie sat up and almost spilled his popcorn. “He said that?”

Tyler laughed, clapping his hand over his mouth. “Whoops! I guess that was supposed to be a secret.”

“I’m not _rude_!”

“To people you don’t like? Are you sure?”

“Well.” Jamie scowled, trying to think through who Jordie might have been talking about. “I guess there are some guys at school and at hockey and stuff that I don’t, like, waste my time on, because they’re stupid.”

“Uh huh.” Tyler nodded solemnly, his eyes still sparkling with laughter. “I guess someone could mistake that for being rude.”

“Ugh. Jordie.” Jamie sighed and shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth, shaking his head as he chewed. “Can’t trust him,” he mumbled. 

Tyler shifted in his seat, half-turning to face Jamie and folding his legs up under himself. “So do you go to just, like, a regular school? I go to an all-boys Catholic school because it’s got great hockey, and I don’t _mind_ because I love the hockey and I’ve made a lot of friends and stuff, but sometimes I wish I went to a normal school.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Jamie swallowed his popcorn and took a gulp of beer before he went on. “Just a public school, I guess. Nothing interesting. What kind of stuff do you think you’re missing out on?”

Tyler shrugged. “Just all the stuff from TV and movies, you know? And being around girls.”

Jamie’s stomach dropped a bit. Oh. Right. “Yeah, that must… that must suck, I guess.”

“It’s just weird. I mean, I like all the guys. Like I said, I’ve got lots of friends. It’s pretty cool. But just, like, it’s not normal or like TV or whatever.” Tyler chewed meditatively for a minute. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.” Jamie shook his head and took another drink of beer, pushing his bowl of popcorn away. Fuck, this had been a mistake. 

“Does Jordie?”

“No.”

“Justin?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Huh.” Tyler cocked his head to the side, like he was considering a line of evidence. “Are there girls who come to all of your games and hang out and like to meet the guys? We’ve always got a bunch at our games.”

“I don’t know. I guess so?” Jamie picked at the arm of the couch, wondering if it was worth it to say the next thing or if it would fuck everything up. Could it really be worse? “I mean, I. I don’t really pay attention to that. To girls.”

Tyler tilted his head the other direction, like a confused puppy. It wasn’t fair for him to be this cute. “Why not?”

Fine. He was committed, now. “Because I like guys, I guess.”

“Oh!” Tyler sat up, eyes wide. “For real?”

He didn’t sound mad, but Jamie still couldn’t quite look at him. He shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed on the bowl of popcorn on the table. “Yeah.”

“Oh wow!” Tyler leaned in closer. “You gotta tell me all about it.”

Jamie blinked. “What?”

“Tell me everything! I want to know that stuff.”

“I don’t… I mean… what stuff?”

“Guy stuff!” Tyler huffed and sat back again, giving Jamie a distinctly disappointed look. “I mean, I like guys, too, I think, but I haven’t _done stuff_ , and I want to know!”

Jamie’s head was spinning. “But you said you like girls?”

Tyler’s face fell a little. “Well, yeah. I mean. I like both? I know it’s weird and like… not allowed, but I do. I can’t help it.”

“Oh.” Jamie rubbed at his eyes, trying to think of something else to say, something that would make Tyler look excited again instead of confused and sad. “Um. I mean, I guess it’s allowed? Nobody can tell you _not_ to. You feel what you feel, right?”

“I guess?” Tyler didn’t look very convinced. “I definitely can’t make it go away. I mean. I haven’t tried that hard, because I like it. But when I have tried a little bit, it didn’t work. I still think about both.”

“I didn’t try very hard, either.” Jamie felt okay enough to reach for his beer again and take another drink. “But I can’t really tell you anything, sorry.”

“Why not?” Tyler just looked offended now. Jamie couldn’t believe how fast Tyler went through feelings. “I won’t tell anyone you told me! I just want to know stuff!”

“I haven’t _done_ anything!”

Tyler stared at him for a minute, forehead slowly furrowing. “Not anything?”

“No!”

“Not even kissing or making out or _anything_?”

Jamie groaned and put his beer down again, then grabbed one of the throw pillows to hide his face. “It’s not that simple!”

Tyler was quiet for a minute, long enough that Jamie peeked over the edge of the pillow to make sure he hadn’t left. “I guess if there aren’t any other guys who like guys around.”

“None that I know of.” Jamie slowly moved the pillow down to cover his chest instead of his face. “I mean, I’m not like… out. So maybe the other guys who like guys aren’t, either. But then we’ll just never find each other until we go off to college or something. Or die.”

“I don’t think you have to wait until you _die_.” Tyler shook his head. “That’s dumb.”

“Well I don’t really know what else to do!”

“You just gotta learn to, like, _signal_ people.” He sounded like he’d thought about this a lot, or read it in a book, or something. More confident about it than made any sense. “Flirt and stuff. Sexy eyes and licking your lips and, like. Touching them.”

“I don’t think I can do any of that.”

“Yeah, you can.” Tyler scooted closer, looking at him intently. “Try it with me.”

“Try flirting with you?” Jamie’s voice rose to a squeak. “For real?”

“Yeah! C’mon.” Tyler moved even closer, his knee pressed against Jamie’s thigh. “Jordie’s not going to be back til late. It’s just the two of us. Nobody has to know.”

It made sense, kind of. And Tyler’s eyes were so wide and pretty, and his mouth was so _soft_ and pretty, lips parted a little, tongue peeking out like a secret, and Jamie just—

He forgot to flirt and just kissed him.

Tyler made a surprised noise, but didn’t pull away. His hands closed around Jamie’s biceps and held on tight, holding Jamie in the kiss when he might have panicked and pulled away instead. Tyler’s tongue didn’t stay a secret—it pressed against Jamie’s lips and teased a little, then flicked inside as Jamie relaxed. It was warm, so warm, and _good_ , better than anything outside of Jamie’s frantic late-night and shower fantasies.

Tyler sat back, finally, blinking and letting his hands slide down Jamie’s arms to cup loosely at his wrists. “Wow.”

Thinking was impossible. All Jamie could do was react, staring at Tyler because that was all he wanted to do. Well, stare at Tyler and keep his hands still so Tyler wouldn’t stop touching him. Two important thinks. “G-good wow?”

“Very good wow.” Tyler grinned, then licked his lips and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Again? More? I liked that.”

“I liked it too.” The easiest confession of his whole life, thank _god_ Tyler wanted it too. “I mean, yes, more, again. Please.”

“Awesome.” Tyler pounced this time, pressing his whole body against Jamie’s, pinning him back against the couch while they kissed. He was more aggressive this time, really getting into the kiss, going for it, while Jamie just tried to hold on and keep up without being swept away. Tyler had definitely done a lot of kissing in his life. He knew what he liked and what he wanted, specifically, in detail. Jamie didn’t know anything except that he liked _this_ and wanted _this_ and never wanted Tyler to stop.

They kissed for ages, pausing to catch their breath and grab a sip of beer and then going back at it again. Jamie didn’t keep track of where hands ended up, or when Tyler’s dick got pressed against his hip or Tyler’s thigh found itself in a place where Jamie could grind his own dick against it. It was messy and unplanned, unstrategized, just _happening_ , and it was the best thing that had ever happened to Jamie.

He came in his shorts with a choked grunt, turning his face away to hide it. Tyler made a noise, too, a frantic breathy huff, and Jamie could feel his hand worming down between his dick and Jamie’s body, adding the last bit of pressure and twist he needed to get himself off, too. Then his weight settled heavy against Jamie’s chest, breath hot and wet on his neck. 

It was quiet for a while, except for those sounds of breathing.

“Wow,” Tyler said again finally, softly. “That was pretty cool.”

Jamie giggled, breathless and choked-out. “Yeah.”

“We gotta keep doing that. The rest of the summer. Until I leave.” Tyler pulled back just slightly, enough to look Jamie in the eyes. “Right?”

Jamie nodded. “Yeah. Absolutely.”

**

Keeping secrets from Jordie didn’t come naturally to Jamie. Ever since they were kids, his first impulse was to tell Jordie everything, and Jordie had never let him down—he kept all of Jamie’s secrets, took the blame for stuff sometimes even, and he never even made him feel bad about stuff as long as it was serious. Dumb stuff, yeah, he would give Jamie a hard time like any big brother would, but _real_ stuff, he was always good.

Jamie knew this thing with Tyler fit into the category of real stuff. Jordie would be nice to him about it and probably tell him what he needed to _do_ , what his next moves should be, how to be better at making out than he was now. But Jamie couldn’t tell him anything. Not since Tyler had said it should be a secret and they wouldn’t tell anybody.

He had a hard time falling asleep and moved slowly the next morning, letting Jordie get ahead of him for using the bathroom and eating breakfast. Jordie kept looking at him funny, like he could tell something was up. It made Jamie feel tense and twitchy and like he should go in a different room and hide.

“I’ve got a hangover,” Jordie said, spoon pausing above his cereal bowl. “You don’t. So why are you moving even slower than me? You should be all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.”

Jamie shrugged, dropping his gaze to his plate of toast. “Don’t have a tail.”

“Ha. Okay.” Jordie shook his head and took another bite, chewing slowly. “You feel better?”

“Yeah.” Jamie picked at the edge of a crust and then pushed it away. “Tyler was here when I got back last night.”

“Yeah, I saw his car.” Jordie scraped his spoon loudly across the bottom of the bowl, chasing bits of cereal. “Everything okay?”

“He got in a fight with his dad. I think he fixed it, but… he was pretty upset. Anyway.” Jamie shrugged again. “We talked.”

Jordie waited a moment, then gestured at him with his spoon. “And?”

His heart stuttered in his chest. “And what?” 

“Is that why you feel better?”

“Oh.” Jordie knew him better than anyone, but at least he wasn’t _psychic_. Jamie couldn’t handle it if his brother could suddenly read his mind. “Yeah, I think so. It’s all… we’re good, I think. It’s fine.”

“Good.” Jordie took his bowl over to the sink and rinsed it. “Aren’t you gonna ask me about my night?”

“Sure, I guess.” He felt like he could manage a bite of toast, now, which was good. No sense wasting it. “How was it? Did you and Justin hook up with those girls?”

“Nah. We hung out for a while, but they had to go home and it wasn’t really going that way anyway, I guess.” Jordie turned to face him and leaned back against the counter. “Justin and I stayed out on the lake til pretty late, just talking and stuff. Making plans for when he’s an NHL superstar.”

Jamie smiled around his mouthful of toast. “You too, right?”

“He’s the superstar, I’m the fourth-line grinder. We’ve got it all planned out.”

“What about me?”

“Second line center.” Jordie grinned at him. “Don’t worry, we didn’t leave you out. We’ll even let you live in Justin’s mansion with us.”

Jamie made a face at him. “What team?”

“Oh, well, we’ve gotta be flexible on that. Never know who’s gonna have the right spots at the draft. But we went with the Nucks just for provincial pride and stuff.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll play for the Nucks if you guys are there with me.” Jamie shoved the last of his toast in his mouth. “We should get started,” he mumbled. “’s late.”

“Gross, Jay.” Jordie gave him a gentle swat on the arm as they started for the door. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks.” 

“It means you get to go up and do the trim under the roof today.”

“What? No! You know I hate heights!”

“Too bad, so sad, gotta get over it sometime, Jay.” Jordie dodged his punch and jogged across the lawn, laughing. “Gotta man up!”

**

Tyler didn’t emerge from the house till that afternoon, when he spent an hour or so exercising on the lawn. Jamie tried to watch him from the corner of his eye without messing up the painting too badly and getting caught by Jordie; he finally hit on a rhythm of painting a few strokes and then turning his head just a little bit to watch whatever cycle of push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and stretches Tyler was on. It sort of worked.

Eventually Tyler collapsed into a sweaty lump on the grass for a bit, then tugged his t-shirt off, stood, and ran down the length of the dock to dive into the lake. The splash echoed in Jamie’s head and he forced himself to focus on the edge of the trim he was painting white, and not let the paint bleed over onto the shingles. When he let himself look again, Tyler had climbed back onto the dock and was lying spread-eagled on the worn wood, soaking up the sun.

Jamie closed his eyes and rested his forehead against a not-yet-painted bit of the house. This was too much. Unfair. Someone should make it stop.

“Jamie!” Jordie’s voice cut sharply into his brief fog. “What are you doing?”

Jamie shook his head a little. “I looked down. Shouldn’t have.”

“For crying out loud.” Jordie sighed. “Fine, okay, come over here and do this part and I’ll finish that stuff.”

“You sure?” He was already moving own the ladder. Even though he’d technically lied about why he stopped painting, he _did_ hate being up there. It was awful.

They switched places and Jamie settled into painting again, making sure to go faster so Jordie wouldn’t notice that he still wasn’t really putting his heart into it. It was too distracting, knowing Tyler was over there on the dock, all sun-warmed and tan and probably smiling. Maybe if Jamie went over there and let his shadow fall over Tyler’s face, Tyler would smile and stretch before looking up at him, and Jamie would get to watch his muscles playing under his skin. Then he could sit down next to him and put the flat of his hand on Tyler’s stomach, and—

“ _Jamie_.”

He dropped his paint roller into the grass. “What!”

“What are you _doing_?”

Jamie looked at the house and realized that what he was doing was painting right across the trim around a window and onto the glass. “Oh. Shit.”

“Did you get sunstroke or something?” Jordie started down the ladder. “Jesus. Go get the paint thinner and a rag. We gotta clean that up.”

“Sorry.” Jamie ducked his head and jogged around the house to the garage, trying to remember if they even had paint thinner. Or rags, for that matter. He hadn’t been thinking about that stuff when they set everything up.

He found the canister of paint thinner sitting by the rest of the paint, luckily, then poked around helplessly looking for rags. He finally grabbed an extra dropcloth and took it back outside, offering the corner of it to Jordie with a sheepish shrug.

Jordie sighed. “This is the best you could do?”

“Yeah.”

“I should use your t-shirt instead.”

Jamie shrugged again. “It’s an old one.”

“Yeah, well. Mom would kill me.” Jordie ripped the dropcloth one way, then the other, taking the piece he separated and soaking it in paint thinner. “Get me some water while I take care of this, okay? It’s hot as balls out here.”

“Swim break when you’re done cleaning up?”

Jordie wiped his forehead on his shoulder, eyeing Jamie suspiciously, but nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Grab some towels, too.”

Jamie hurried back into the house, gathering up water bottles and towels for all three of them and carrying them down to the dock. Tyler was lying on his stomach, but he turned his head to look when Jamie stepped onto the dock.

“Hey,” Tyler said, smiling up at him. “You guys done for the day already?”

“Taking a break.” Jamie dropped the towels onto the boards and offered Tyler a water bottle. “You’re getting pink already. Better stay hydrated.”

“I should’ve brought sunblock.” Tyler sat up and shook water from his hair like a puppy. “But I want a tan, so I’m gonna suck it up. Don’t tell my mom.”

“How would I even do that?”

“Just saying.” Tyler took a drink and sighed. “That’s good.”

“You gotta take care of yourself.” Jamie knew he sounded awkward and stupid, but he couldn’t help it. “Don’t want to get sick.”

Tyler grinned and took another sip. “You guys would take care of me.”

“I mean, we would try! But we don’t really know anything.”

“Okay, okay.” Tyler took an exaggerated slurp. “See? I’ll be good.”

“Good.” Jamie hesitated for a moment, then pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. “Guess I’ll go ahead and get in?”

He couldn’t tell for sure, but he wanted to think that the way Tyler was looking at him was good. Like… interested, or something. Into him.

“Me too,” Tyler said, setting the water aside and getting to his feet. “Race you for it!”

He took off as soon as he said it, sprinting to the end of the dock and jumping off before Jamie had even gathered himself. “No fair!” Jamie yelped, chasing after him. He made sure to throw himself off the end of the boards at an angle so he wouldn’t land on Tyler, plunging into the cold water with a sharp slap against his chest and belly.

It hurt enough that he let himself sink for a minute, shock blanking out his brain until he felt lake weeds brushing his toes. He kicked and flapped his arms, dragging himself back up to the surface, and broke into the air with a gasp, shuddering as air flooded his lungs again.

Tyler was treading water a few feet away. “Are you okay? You belly-flopped it!”

“Shit.” Jamie turned onto his back and let himself float for a minute, still struggling to get his breathing evened out. “Didn’t mean to do that.”

“It was kind of awesome!” Tyler giggled a little, then swam over to him, studying his torso. “You might get all bruised from that!”

“I hope not.” Jamie groaned and turned over again, kicking feebly to send himself back to the dock. “Shit.”

“Here, I got you.” Tyler half-pulled him along and gave him a boost up onto the dock. Jordie was standing by the towels, drinking from a water bottle and looking at them with raised eyebrows.

“How do you guys make that much of a mess out of swimming in the lake?”

Jamie shook his head and crawled away from the edge of the dock, then flopped over on his back. “Don’t.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just need a few minutes.”

Jordie studied him for a moment, familiar concern in his eyes, then nodded. “Okay. Here.” He dropped a towel on Jamie’s chest and then walked down the dock; a minute later Jamie felt the vibrations through the wood as he jumped, then heard the clean splash. Probably dove in perfectly, cutting the water like a knife. Show-off.

Tyler sat down cross-legged next to him, water dripping off his skin to make an outline of himself on the dock. “I’ll kiss it better later,” he said. “I mean, if you want.”

Jamie looked up, startled, and Tyler was smiling, hopeful and nervous, a blush high in his cheeks. “Yeah,” Jamie said quickly, before Tyler started to panic or something. “Yeah, I totally… yeah. If we can find some time alone.”

“I guess if we both blow off hanging out with Justin and Jordie, they’ll get suspicious.” Tyler glanced over at where Jordie was treading water, his face turned up blissfully to the sun. “So we’ll go with them for a while and then say we’re tired, or something?”

“I can say my stomach hurts from belly-flopping.”

“And I’ll offer to come back with you.” Tyler grinned in satisfaction. “Perfect. We’re like secret agents or something.”

**

Justin and Jordie were definitely a _little_ suspicious when Jamie suddenly announced he was tired and sore and going to head back, but they didn’t say anything. When Tyler offered to go with him Jordie raised his eyebrows again, and Jamie’s heart raced, but Jordie shrugged and went back to drawing hockey logos on Justin’s arm, and they left in peace.

They made out on the couch again, kissing and touching and grinding on each other, and this time Tyler got his hand down Jamie’s shorts, wrapping it around his cock and jerking him off so good. “Your dick is awesome,” Tyler gasped between kisses. “All fat and—”

Jamie came before he could finish that thought, and Tyler pushed his own shorts down and jerked himself off all over Jamie’s chest and stomach, messy and fast. Unfortunately Jamie was still wearing his t-shirt, so they had to wash it in the sink with dish soap and put it out on the porch to dry.

They were both giggling, like, the whole time, and it was just so—it was _nice_. Jamie couldn’t remember a nicer summer than this one. Sun and the lake and booze and time with Justin and Jordie and _Tyler_. Meeting Tyler. Finding Tyler. Kissing Tyler.

They were still on the couch when Jordie got back, safely watching a movie. Jordie gave them a weird look anyway, and for a minute Jamie was scared.

“What happened to your shirts?” Jordie asked. “Were you having a chest-waxing party? Not that either of you can grow any hair anyway.”

“No need to be mean,” Tyler said, pouting out his lower lip. “We can’t all be Sasquatches like you.”

Jordie’s forehead furrowed a little. “Is that the plural of Sasquatch?” 

“What else would it be?”

“Sasquatchii? Sasquichies? I dunno.” Jordie came over to the couch and shoved at Jamie’s shoulder. “Scoot over. Make some room.”

He scooted Jamie over right into Tyler’s space. On purpose or not, Jamie couldn’t tell, but he didn’t fight it. Pressing up close to Tyler, not quite cuddling but not exactly _not_ , was another perfect note for the night. Maybe they could do it every night, all summer.

**

The next week went by with more nights of cuddling than not. And drinking on the float with Justin and Jordie, and ice cream in town, and just… all of the things that Jamie wanted. He knew, way down deep in his chest and his stomach and his mind, that he was going to remember this summer for the rest of his life, and that he was going to ache every time he thought about it, because nothing would ever be quite as perfect as this. Knowing that it would only exist once made it hurt at the same time it was amazing.

He maybe got a little mopey about that, a few times. Always while he was painting or while he and Jordie were up before Tyler, eating breakfast just the two of them. Those were the times when he had a few moments to be quiet and alone in his head and his thoughts could circle around to the fact that these summer weeks were passing by and could never come back again.

He caught Jordie watching him oddly more than once, when he was thinking about it, and it made him try to snap out of it fast. He didn’t want to have to explain all this to Jordie. It probably wasn’t even _possible_ to explain all this to Jordie. 

“You okay?” was all Jordie asked, and Jamie nodded every time, shrugging it off and pretending to concentrate extra-hard on whatever he was doing, painting or eating toast or cleaning off his brushes at the end of the day. And Jordie understood him well enough to _let_ him shrug it off and not try to make him talk about stuff. Thank god for Jordie. 

One night Justin had to go with his parents to some fish fry at the church, so the three of them at the Seguin house grilled burgers on the deck and ate them with their feet up on the railing, watching the sun setting over the lake.

“My dad’s coming up in a few days,” Tyler said, licking burger grease off his fingers. “I tried to talk him out of it but he wants to see how close you guys are to done with the house. I think he’s having some furniture delivered, too.”

Jordie and Jamie glanced at each other guiltily; the truth was they were not nearly as far along with the painting as they should be, and they were going to have to step it up hard before Paul got there. Shit.

“He said Mom told him to remind me to do my summer reading for school, too,” Tyler went on, oblivious. “So that sucks. I can’t believe I have to think about school again already.”

“Were we supposed to do summer reading?” Jamie asked, bumping his shoulder against Jordie’s.

“How should I know?” Jordie took a long swallow of beer, then fumbled his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed with a text. “Justin’s escaping the church thing. I’m gonna go meet him in town, he ran into the girls and they’re gonna go to a movie on the lawn in the park. You two gonna come or be loners?”

Jamie tried to meet Tyler’s eyes without making it obvious that he was _meeting Tyler’s eyes_. He was pretty sure he knew what Tyler wanted to do—the same thing they both _always_ wanted to do, since they’d started doing it—but he had to be sure before he just blurted something out like an idiot.

“I think I’m on team loner,” Tyler said cooly. “They always pick kids movies and it’s dumb. What about you, Jamie?”

“Uh.” Both of them were looking at him now, Jordie’s eyebrows raised in that knowing way that made Jamie’s stomach flip. How much _did_ he know anyway? He was infuriating. “Yeah, I think I’ll stay, too.”

“You’re both choosing to skip out on classic films, with girls, to sit in the dark being losers.” Jordie shook his head and stood up. “I despair for you both.”

“Whatever,” Tyler said. “You pretend you’re there for the girls but you just wanna put your hand on Justin’s butt when they turn the lights down.”

Jordie’s head whipped around so fast Jamie thought he might strain something. “What did you say?”

Jamie tensed, getting ready to jump up between them if Jordie took a swing, but Tyler already had his hands up and was laughing it off. “Kidding! Kidding! Relax, Big Benny. It’s a joke.”

Jordie stared at him for a minute, then finally turned away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Whatever. I’ll see you later. Jamie, leave the side door unlocked for me.”

“I will.” Jamie watched him walk around the house to the driveway, a weird feeling clenching in his stomach. He knew Jordie better than anybody—or he thought he did—and Jordie never reacted like that when people made jokes about him being close with other guys on the team.

He remembered Jordie drawing on Justin’s arm, and lying with his head on Justin’s stomach. He remembered how cool about it Jordie was when Jamie told him he liked boys. He remembered how Justin and Jordie had their stupid nicknames just for each other, and how their eyes got all soft sometimes, and the way they laughed when it was just—

“Jamie?” Tyler was looking at him, frowning. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Jamie shook his head and killed the rest of his own beer. “I’m fine. Let’s go down to the dock, eh? Cooler down there than up here.”

“Mosquitoes,” Tyler said, but he followed along, his hand finding Jamie’s in the dark and threading their fingers together.

They sat with their feet dangling off the dock into the water, Jamie kicking slow arcs that sent droplets flying up and scattering across the surface. “I like doing this,” he said after a few minutes. “Hanging out with you, I mean.”

“Me too.” Tyler leaned against his side, not quite heavy but solid and warm and there. “I’ll help you and Jordie paint the next couple days. Get you caught up so Dad doesn’t get weird at you.”

Jamie ducked his head. “You can tell we’re behind?”

“I know I’ve been distracting you.” Tyler bumped his head against Jamie’s shoulder, insistent little nudges until Jamie made room for him to rest it there. “But it’s cool. We’ll get caught up.”

Jamie let himself settle his cheek against Tyler’s hair. “Getting caught up means being close to being done, though. And that means it’s… you know. It’s over.”

“I bet Dad will let you have an extra week when you’re done,” Tyler said softly. “I mean. He won’t pay you for it. But you could stay, and we could still hang out.”

“Maybe.” Jamie found his hand again and squeezed it. “But it’s still gonna end, you know?”

Tyler took a shaky breath, his fingers tightening against Jamie’s. “Yeah. I know. But let’s not talk about that yet, okay? Not until it’s, like. Real.”

Jamie nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet. After a minute, Tyler lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of Jamie’s. 

“I wanna, like… touch you for real, tonight,” he said. “Maybe even put my mouth on you. On your dick, I mean. If that’s okay.”

Jamie closed his eyes tight, making himself remember not to choke, just breathe. “Are you sure?”

“I’m really sure. I’ve been thinking about it, like, all the time. It’s driving me crazy.” Tyler kissed his hand again, then tugged at it until Jamie looked at him. “I jerked off like three times yesterday just _thinking_ about it.”

Jamie had to laugh. “Oh, wow. Okay, um. Now I’m worried I’m gonna be a disappointment.”

“You won’t, I swear.” Tyler leaned in and kissed him, hungry and eager, his teeth scraping sharp against Jamie’s lip until he figured himself out. 

“Kissing first?” he asked, leaning back slowly and letting Tyler follow him, until he was lying against Jamie’s chest on the dock.

Tyler didn’t stop to answer, just nodded, and Jamie lost himself in it for a while, the sweet shivery feeling of kissing Tyler, alone in the dark while the bugs and frogs were singing and every so often a fish broke the lake’s surface with a splash. It was just so _good_ , filling his head with a warm happy buzzing while his dick got thicker in his shorts.

Tyler groaned against his mouth and pulled back, breathing hard. “I’m gonna touch it. Okay?”

Jamie nodded and propped himself up on his elbows, watching Tyler move down to kneel beside his hips on the dock. He reached for Jamie’s waistband—long tanned fingers against fabric that looked black in the twilight—and Jamie had to fall down on his back again because if he looked he wouldn’t be able to last at all.

“There it is,” Tyler muttered, then giggled as he dragged two fingertips down Jamie’s length, making his dick twitch and jump. “Hi there.”

“Oh god.” Jamie threw his forearm across his eyes. “Don’t talk to it.”

“Why not? It’s cute.” More giggling, and then Tyler’s mouth hot against his belly, pressing kisses from under his navel down to the base of his cock. “I like it.”

“It likes you too! But it’s embarrassing when you talk to it!”

“I’m not embarrassed.” Tyler kissed the top of it and Jamie writhed against the deck, trying to keep himself just gasping and not making noises.

“Please,” he said finally, when he could _say_ it instead of yelling it. 

“Be patient.” Tyler shifted around to kneel between his legs. “I’ve never done this before. I might not be very good at it.”

“Just… just try? Please?”

“I will! Just, like. Give me a minute.” When Jamie lifted his arm so he could look, Tyler was just kneeling there, studying Jamie’s dick intently. “Have you ever done this before?” he asked after a moment.

“Uh.” Jamie shifted his gaze up to the sky. “No.”

“Okay. That’s a little less pressure.” Tyler took a deep breath, and Jamie felt him moving, hands settling on either side of Jamie’s hips and breath coming hot against his belly. “All right, I’m gonna try it.”

If Tyler wasn’t good at it, Jamie didn’t know the difference; all he knew was that Tyler’s mouth felt good, so good. Everything he tried was good, and Jamie tried to tell him so, gasping the words out so he wouldn’t yell them. It was easy to forget that they were at a lake with houses all around it; he’d spent most of this summer feeling like they were all alone in the world, in some kind of magical place where it was just the four of them with other people appearing and vanishing as they were needed. That was how he wanted it to be, forever.

The fact was, that had never been true, and he needed to keep quiet or someone might walk over to see what that racket was coming from the Seguin dock. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, his hips jerking up despite himself. “Tyler, I’m so close, I’m gonna… I don’t wanna do it in your mouth, you gotta…”

Tyler nodded and pulled back, his lips red and wet and his breath coming roughly. “Wow,” he mumbled, staring at Jamie. “That was…”

“Can you keep touching it?” Jamie begged, arching up again. “God, I’m so close, if you just touch me I’m gonna do it.”

“Oh!” Tyler wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and then wrapped his fingers around Jamie’s cock, stroking quickly a few times and then tightening his grip a little and giving a real pull. Jamie came so hard he saw stars, his hand trying to grip at the dock until little shreds of wood got stuck up under his nails.

Tyler lay down on top of him and kissed him, hungry and impatient, until Jamie rolled them over and reached down between them to push Tyler’s shorts out of the way.

“Do you want to do it to me, too?” Tyler asked breathlessly. “It’s not as hard as I thought. Just keep moving your mouth and licking and being gentle and I think I’ll like all of it. You did!”

Jamie felt like the top of his head was going to blow off, like he was going to explode, like he was on fire. “Okay,” he said, fumbling to get the fabric down and let Tyler’s dick spring free. It was flushed pink, the foreskin not quite pulled back, and his first stupid thought was that it was shy and he should be extra nice to it.

Maybe it wasn’t totally stupid, because Tyler seemed to like it. Jamie did what he remembered Tyler doing to him, and what Tyler had said—just keep moving and licking and be gentle. It made Tyler twist and gasp and cuss him out, but in a good way, so he would take that as a win.

He jerked Tyler off at the end, too, but Tyler moved so much when he came that it got on Jamie’s chest and stomach, too, not just his hand. Tyler stared up at him, panting happily, with the biggest smile Jamie had ever seen.

“That was awesome,” Tyler said. “Now we gotta go skinny-dipping to clean up.”

Jamie laughed and sat back on his heels. “I don’t think you’re supposed to swim in the lake after dark.”

“We gotta, though. We gotta make it… special. A night to remember.” Tyler sat up, kicking his shorts the rest of the way off. “Come on, dude. We gotta.”

Maybe love meant realizing there was someone you never wanted to disappoint. If that was right, then Jamie was definitely in love. He followed Tyler down the dock and into the water, laughing and shouting when the cold water hit his warm, sweaty skin. “Oh! Holy shit!”

Tyler ducked all the way under and came up shaking his head, spraying Jamie with droplets. And he was right. Jamie would never forget this.

**

With Tyler and Justin’s help, they got the painting to a decent point by the time Mr. Seguin arrived. He walked around the house, looking up at their work and nodding in approval, thanking them for their work and hinting at a bonus in terms that Jamie hoped were realistic. 

They all shook hands, and then Mr. Seguin packed Tyler into the car and drove into town for dinner, leaving Jamie and Jordie alone. 

Jordie carried the paint cans and brushes into the garage, Jamie holding doors and following along behind him. He couldn’t explain why he felt lost, all of a sudden. It was stupid; Tyler going to dinner with his dad wasn’t any reason to feel lonely and strange. Maybe it was just the reminder that the summer was heading toward its ending, and soon they would all be back in real life. Real life where he would still live with Jordie, and see Justin all the time, but Tyler…

Tyler was going to be very far away. There was a better chance that they would never see each other again than anything else. And he didn’t know what to do with that. 

“You hungry, Jay?” Jordie scratched the back of his head. “I could throw some stuff on the grill.”

“I’m okay.” Jamie sat down on the cool concrete of the garage floor. 

“You’re turning down food?” Jordie frowned and turned to face him. “You sick?”

Jamie shrugged, not even able to work up offense at the teasing. “Just not hungry.”

Jordie watched him for a long moment, then nodded and nudged him with his foot. “Let’s go down to the dock, eh? It’s stuffy in here.”

Going down to the dock was worse, because he had memories of him and Tyler for every inch of it. He sat at the very end, toes pointed down to skim along the top of the water, careful not to look up when Jordie sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry,” Jordie said after a minute.

Jamie kept his eyes firmly down. “’bout what?”

“That you’re gonna have to be apart soon.”

Heat rushed into Jamie’s face. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Jay.” Jordie never sounded that gentle. Jamie definitely couldn’t look at him. “It’s okay. I know. I’m glad you guys got to… have that, be together, all that stuff. But I’m sorry about this part. That’s all.”

Jamie tried to take a deep breath, but it made him choke. He huddled in on himself, almost slipping off the end of the dock into the water, but Jordie’s arm wrapped around his waist and held him up and safe.

“It’s okay,” Jordie said again. Jamie closed his eyes and leaned against him, letting all of his questions die on his tongue. They didn’t matter, anyway, not as long as Jordie really thought it would be okay.

“Not quite how we thought the summer would go, eh?” Jordie said after a few minutes, when Jamie was breathing normally again. “I mean, we knew we’d have fun, but…”

“It _is_ fun,” Jamie mumbled, and Jordie burst out laughing, hugging him closer.

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

Jamie rubbed his face on Jordie’s sleeve and glanced up at his face, finally. “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer it.”

Jordie nodded a little, his own gaze focused out on the water, eyes squinted a little. “Go ahead, bud.”

“You and Justin?” It wasn’t a full question, maybe, but he knew Jordie would get it. Jordie always got him.

Jordie’s arm tightened a little more, and it was his turn to blush. “Guess we weren’t as subtle as we thought, eh?”

“I only caught on, like, a couple days ago.”

“Oh. Well.” Jordie sighed, a long slow rumble in his chest. “I don’t know. I mean, yeah, we’re… but I don’t know if we’re, like, gonna be a _thing_ , you know? I don’t know how things will be when we’re back in Victoria.”

“But you’ll still be friends, right?” Jamie thought he might choke again, this time on a sudden spike of fear. “I don’t want to stop being friends with Justin.”

“Well, you can still be friends, even if he and I need a break.”

“No.” Jamie shook his head. “We’re brothers. I always gotta choose you.”

“Jay.” Jordie was blushing even more.

“Brothers _forever_ , Jordie!”

“Okay, okay.” Jordie ran his free hand through his hair, then rubbed at his face like it would make the blushing go away. “Thanks, I guess. I think he and I will be okay, though, whatever happens. We understand each other.”

Jamie was quiet for a minute, then nudged him in the ribs. “So all those times you guys took girls out to the float were just a fake-out?”

Jordie started giggling, his hand shifting to cover his mouth. “No! I mean, we both like girls, too, we were definitely trying, uh, trying to… but I mean, if they wanted to, like… they _didn’t_ , but if they had, we…”

“Oh my god!” Jamie pulled back, staring at him. “For _real_?”

“We weren’t creepy! We just kinda hinted, but they didn’t pick it up so we let it go, you know?”

“Holy shit.” Jamie shook his head. “I can’t wait to tell Tyler.”

“Jamie!” When that made Jamie burst out laughing, Jordie gave him a rough noogie and a halfhearted shove toward the end of the dock. Jamie caught himself and stuck his tongue out at him. “You’re lucky I didn’t throw you in,” Jordie muttered. “Brat.”

“You love me.”

“You’re lucky I do, bud.” Jordie lay back on the dock, looking up at the sky, and Jamie settled more comfortably, leaning against a post.

“Everything will be okay?” Jamie asked after a minute, trying not to let himself sound too wistful. He probably didn’t manage it very well. 

“Yeah. It will.”

“You promise?”

Jordie nodded, and Jamie stretched out his legs to lie across his brother’s stomach. 

**

The next week was a whirlwind. It felt like way less time; they finished the painting, cleaned up the garage, threw away the tarps, took the leftover paint to be disposed of properly. Mr. Seguin had said they could stay through the weekend after finishing up, and he would send their payment to their parents’ house, with another hint at a bonus. Things had gone well. There was nothing to regret about the summer.

Jamie felt like he was dying every time he let himself realize it was about to end.

The last night, Saturday night, Courts picked the three of them up and drove them into town for ice cream. He and his family were staying for another week, and while they ate he halfheartedly offered their guest room to Jordie and Jamie.

“No reason to head home yet if you don’t have to, right?”

Jordie smiled at him, but shook his head, and Jamie was relieved to let him handle turning it down. It wouldn’t feel right, dragging the end of the summer out and turning it into something else. Better to let it end cleanly and go home.

Justin sighed and nodded. “Okay, well. Next summer you gotta come up and stay with us. Fair? And you’ll come out to see your dad again, right, Tyler?”

Tyler had ice cream smeared across his cheek somehow. Jamie didn’t even know how he had managed that. “I mean, probably? I bet he’ll have me come out again.”

“So we’ll all get to hang out. It’ll be just the same.” 

Jamie tried to smile at Courts and his efforts to cheer them up. It wouldn’t be the same; nothing would be the same. But it was nice to think about. 

They had to finish off the beer next, which wasn’t too difficult. After they got through their first cans, Jordie nudged Justin in the ribs and said something quiet in his ear, and the two of them got up and walked down the path that led around the lake, fresh cans in their free hands and back pockets.

“Where do you think they’re going?” Tyler asked sleepily.

“The float, probably.” Jamie reached for Tyler’s hand. “That’s kind of their special place, I guess.”

“Weird.” Tyler sighed, sounding puzzled, and it took Jamie a minute to remember that he didn’t know Justin and Jordie were sort of together. He didn’t want to take the time to explain it, not now. He didn’t want to lose any of the minutes they had left.

He moved closer and kissed Tyler slowly, tasting the beer on his tongue and his teeth, pressing their clasped hands over his own heart. Tyler smiled against his mouth.

“I’m gonna miss you, Jamie.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.” Jamie took a deep breath, resting his forehead against Tyler’s. “Do you think… do you really think you’ll be back next summer?”

Tyler pressed against him, eyes squeezing shut. “I don’t know. My dad gets big ideas and then changes his mind a lot. I wish I could say yeah, definitely, he’ll still own this house next year. But I don’t know.”

Jamie nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “Do you think… I mean. If you don’t come back next year. Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?”

“Of course we will!” Tyler pulled back a little, frowning. “It’s not the dark ages. We have phones. We have the Internet. We’ll be graduated in a couple of years and we can do whatever we want, go wherever we want. Of course we’ll _see_ each other.”

Jamie sat up, shaking his head, still holding on to Tyler’s hand. “Do you think that’s the right idea, though? I mean. Will it ruin the… the magic if we’re texting and emailing and stuff? Should we just… leave all this behind and remember it being perfect?”

Tyler stared at him in utter bafflement. “Why would we do that?”

“I don’t know.” Jamie sat there for a minute, feeling like he was sinking, falling down through the dock and the water and the lake bottom and forever into gravity. “Just so we never get tired of each other or stop being friends, and ruin it all after the fact. I don’t want to ruin this.”

Tyler shook his head, pulling Jamie down again, not letting him let go. “No. Nothing can ruin this. And nothing can make me get tired of you. That’s stupid. You’re being stupid and you better quit it right now.”

“I’m just worried!”

“Stop it.”

Jamie stared at him. Tyler’s eyes were blazing bright in his face, his hands gripping Jamie’s so tightly it hurt. 

“Stop it,” Tyler said again, quietly. “Trust me, okay? Nothing can ruin this unless we let it. And we’ve got, like, a million years to see each other again, and kiss each other, and everything. You just have to believe it and not let yourself forget.”

Jamie nodded, dazed, not able to look away from Tyler’s eyes. It was impossible not to trust him, like this.

“I won’t forget,” he whispered.

Tyler eased his grip a little bit. “Promise?”

“I promise, Tyler. I won’t forget anything.”

“Okay.” Tyler studied his face for a moment, then nodded and lay back, releasing Jamie’s hands and opening his arms. “Then get down here with me. You freaked me out and you’ve gotta make up for it by holding me. Dumb jerk.”

Jamie rolled his eyes but lay down, taking Tyler in his arms. They shifted and squirmed on the dock until they found a way to be comfortable, and looked up at the stars.

So many stars. Stretching out forever.

Jamie would keep his promise. How could he forget this?


End file.
